Conform Script to
Current Movie
I conformed the script to match the caption file I created
for the movie when I first released it. As I went through the script later, I
caught several places where I'd missed some bits of dialogue.
Version 0.6 of the movie is still available on-line. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATcKnFAwlU0
Action Descriptions
When I created the script from the Xtranormal STATE files, I
wasn't able to convert the actions and expressions. This left the script with
just the scene headers, character names and dialogues.
I went through the script to add some action descriptions. I
decided to keep the action descriptions to a minimum. Maybe I was too terse, but
I wanted to move onto the next phase.
Character
Descriptions
After I thought I was done with the action descriptions I came
across an article about the Jane test (http://www.wired.com/2016/02/jane-test-movie-gender-roles/).
It focussed on the sexist slant of the character descriptions for female characters in the script. I had a
look at my descriptions, and realized I didn't really have much to say at all.
For example:
ARTHUR
MACDONALD drives his car along a country road between a river and some hills.
LING
PANG walks by.
ZELDA
ZIMMERMAN and another woman sit at a table in front of the coffee shop.
I added some brief descriptions, which I don't think are
sexist:
ARTHUR
MACDONALD, a transportation engineer in his early 20s, drives his car along a
country road between a river and some hills.
LING
PANG, a transportation engineer in her mid 40s, walks by.
ZELDA
ZIMMERMAN, a woman in her mid 20's, and another woman sit at a table in front
of the coffee shop.
I was tempted to describe Zelda as "attractive",
but decided it wasn't necessary.
These character descriptions are not really that critical to
the script, since I had already chosen the characters from Xtranormal for the
movie. I felt it would be a useful exercise for any scripts I write in the
future, where I will need to include them.
Change Notes
As I went through the script to make the changes above, I
inserted change notes where I came across something that I wanted to change.
Most of these were cases where I felt that the dialogue didn't fit the
character. For example, Ling says "oh my" to express her surprise and
concern for Arthur when he tells her about his near accident. Not only do I
feel that isn't what she'd say, but the character Meera says the same thing
several times. I think it is appropriate for her.
When I first released the movie, several people sent me
comments and suggestions. Since then I've written down several more ideas for
changes. I went through the script a second time to insert notes where I wanted
add those changes. Most of these changes were to clarify the story and dialogue
where people were confused or put off. There
were a few places where I felt the scene was weak and could be improved.
Since I finished, I came across a few more ideas I'd
forgotten about, and will need to add those as well.
When you make changes one place in a script, you often need
to make changes elsewhere to keep the story consistent. I'll need to do at least
one more pass through to fix those.
Rewriting the First Scene
I took my first stab at the rewrite with a go at Scene 8,
where Arthur and Vincent Campbell first meet. My objective with the changes was
to explain the hierarchy in the office, which some people found confusing.
I had Campbell play a mind game with Arthur, to force him to
explain who he works for. Campbell, of course, already knows who's who and
wants to put Arthur on the defensive right away. I think the result has some
humour to it, and also reinforces Campbell's personality.
I thought I was done with the scene, but afterwards I
started to think that I could delete or shorten some of the dialogue to tighten
up the scene. For example I have a rather long introduction between two of the
characters that is both dull and adds very little to the scene.
Ideas for Other
Changes
I got an idea for a new scene where Arthur shoots a video of
the dangerous curve in the road. I would need to change a couple other scenes
to accommodate that. It would be a short scene, but would be as complicated to
make as the new opening scene I added in version 0.6.
My other ideas involve improvements to the computer screens
animations. I don't plan to add anything of substance, just improve how they
look. Again, they might be quite complicated to create.
What to do After I
have the New Script?
I haven't given too much thought to what my next step after I'm
done with the script revisions. I could work on the extra animations I want to
add, or I could get NawmalMAKE and start to create the new scenes. But, what
troubles me is how I will handle the voices in the new version. NawmalMAKE has
different voices from Xtranormal Desktop.
For the final version I want to hire vocal actors to do the
voices. This could be expensive. I found commercial rates posted on-line that
suggest it could cost me more than $2,000. I would prefer to use local actors.
I haven't talked to any of the actors I know about what they would charge me. I
made a vow that in the future I would always pay anyone who helped me with my
movies. As an interim step I could use the new artificial voices that come with
NawmalMAKE.
I've also thought I could use the voices from Acapela that I
used the first time. From what I can see on their web site, I don't think I can
download them and use them in NawmalMAKE, but I can use their Acapela Box
website to create the audio. (https://acapela-box.com/AcaBox/index.php).
This would cost me at least $920 for my whole movie. Possibly much more. I
think it would be cheaper, about $600, to buy the voices to work with another
program. If I did that, I could use the voices on other projects.
This post is a mirror from my main blog http://www.dynamiclethargyfilms.ca/blog
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