"The ZOOM Bomber" – Update 2

I got some more feedback on "The ZOOM Bomber" this week. I made some revisions to the script and worked on the story board.

The script has a fight scene, and I am by no means a fighter, so I asked a friend of mine who used to train in fighting to review my script. She had some useful comments on the fight scenes. I made some revisions to the script based on that. The scene is brief, so there were not a lot of changes to make. It is a more realistic fight now.

I did some more work on the story board. I only got about 3 more done, but I did give some more thought to what direction I want to go. I worked out a list of images I still need create, and it came out at over 60. I’ve got 8 done so far.

One thing I am thinking about doing is to make more use of photographs for the storyboard. Creating environments from scratch can be time consuming. I also experimented with carbonifying the photographs, so they match the image quality of the rest of the elements in the storyboard.

This post is a mirror from my main blog http://www.dynamiclethargyfilms.ca/blog

"The ZOOM Bomber" – Update 1

A few weeks ago, my script writer’s group challenged me to write a script about a ZOOM meeting. At first, I didn’t see any point in that, but then I came up with an interesting concept.

My working title is "The ZOOM Bomber".

I started, then stopped, then started again. Eventually I had a first draft. I left it a couple of days and did a revision. I was worried that I may have gone too far with the violence in the story. I do have a couple of fight scenes. We'll see what people think. I've passed it to a few people for comments. Once I get some feedback, I'll do another revision.

I didn’t intend to do anything further with the script. I do plan to post a final revision on my website, but I can't see myself making the film. I don't feel up to finding someone else to make it.

However, I started to feel inspired to investigate maybe doing something more with it. At one of our script group sessions we talked about some major companies do animated storyboards to see how a movie plays.

I did something like that with "The Barrier" using Xtranormal. I don't think Nawmal would work with this story because of the fight scenes (https://www.nawmal.com/). I found a story board program on-line that I am trying out: https://wonderunit.com/storyboarder/. It doesn't animate, just creates a series of still images, but I think that might do for now. It has been a bit of a challenge to start using it. I did get the first sequence of the story done. I can move on to the rest.

I used some artificial voices to create the dialogue. They aren't licenced for commercial use, so if I want to post the result on-line, I'll need to find another way to do the dialogue. I know some actors and maybe I can get them to do it as a test. That is something I would like to try out anyway.

This post is a mirror from my main blog http://www.dynamiclethargyfilms.ca/blog

"First Date" Script Posted

I have been struggling to get started on my writing and movie projects. Some one suggested that I write a story about a man who's wife had died. My wife died last year. They thought that writing a story about what it is like would help me come to terms with her loss.
 

When I made "Line of Taxis" I wanted to use it to help me deal with some of the problems I had. Since it was an on-going situation, I didn't want to address it directly. I created a situation quite different from my own, but where the protagonist would feel the same emotions. I believe that focus on the emotions was the main reason the film worked so well.

I tried to take a similar approach with this story. I hadn't come up with any good ideas for a story that would allow me to explore my feelings.

Over the last few months I have been part of a script writing groups. They have a writing exercise every session and I wrote up a number of ideas. Recently they suggested I write a two page dialogue scene. That gave me an opportunity to write a character like myself. Since it would be just a short scene, I didn't need to come up with a larger story that it would fit into.

The scene is about an older couple who are on their first date. The woman is recently divorced, while man's wife died. Not only is it their first date, but it is the first date either has had since they lost their spouses. I haven't progressed this far myself.

I felt it turned out OK. I only intended it to be a writing exercise, but I started to get interested in the characters. I felt I could build a larger story from it. I'm not sure just where I would take it, or what the point of the story would be. It isn't the approach I planned to take.

I revised the scene based on some feed back, and posted it on my website at: http://dynamiclethargyfilms.ca/stories/first-date/

I would like to know if people think it would be worth my while to pursue.

This post is a mirror from my main blog http://www.dynamiclethargyfilms.ca/blog

"The Barrier": How Specific Do I Need to be About the Transportation Model?

In my initial version of "The Barrier" I was kind of skimpy on the details of the issues with the transportation model. With the rewrite, I felt I needed to make that more detailed.

I revised 4 more scenes this week. I've done 14 of the 39 scenes I plan to rewrite. Most of the remaining scenes have only minor changes, but there are four scenes that need major rewrites. In those scenes I had the characters talk in vague generalities about the issues that come up about the transportation model. I started to work on those specifics this week.

I've run into some barriers of my own.

Hazy Memory

It's been 13 years since I last worked in transportation forecasting, and 7 years since I actively kept up with developments in the field. My memory has faded somewhat over those years. Transportation models have thousands of details that can become controversial. I struggled to remember a handful of major issues. I'm sure that as I think about it more, some more will come to mind.

Dated Knowledge

Since I haven't kept up on new developments, the criticisms of transportation models may well have changed. Around the time I left the field, new types of models were being introduced that were supposed to address some of the major criticisms of existing transportation models.

It may well be that some of the issues I want to use in the movie are no longer relevant. No doubt there would be some criticism of  the newer models, but I wouldn't know what they would be. I'm not keen to do a lot of research to update my self. Maybe someone can give me some suggestions I can use.

I do remember one criticism of the newer models was how much more time and effort they took to run. That isn't an issue I can use in my movie. Another was the perennial complaint about models that they were black boxes that nobody understood. I already use this in the movie. I even call the model software "BlackBox by VooDoo".

What I don't believe has changed is that forecasting models are still the weak link in the planning process. Knowledgeable people who want to question transportation plans will go after the forecasts. You can see the same pattern in the climate change debate.

Avoid Confusion

I worry that if I get too specific about the transportation model, people without some background in the field will get confused. On the other hand, the vague descriptions I used in the last version of "The Barrier" confused people anyway. I need to strike a balance where most viewers can follow what is happening.

The issues with the model are what Alfred Hitchcock used to call a McGuffin. It's what the characters in the movie think is important, but it isn't important to the story or the audience.

Options

My first inclination is to use the jargon that transportation planners would use. The problem with that approach is that then I would have to explain what the term means. I've done that in a few places already. I had the developer play dumb to force the engineers to explain what they meant.

In the scenes I need to revise, the characters should know what they talking about, which eliminates any excuse for characters to explain. The approach I have in mind is to have the characters describe the real world implication of the issue, rather than use the jargon. That might grate on people who do know the jargon.

For example, I want the consultant to criticise the volume delay curve equation. When I have Dennis talk about the note the consultant sent, he could say something like, "Here he questions how we calculate the delays from traffic congestion." Most people know what delay and traffic congestion mean. They don't need to know how the model estimates the delay.

Issues To Use

I've come up with a few more issues I think I can use.

·         Parking cost - this would affect whether people drive or take the bus.

·         Pedestrians mode constant in the modal choice model - this would affect how many people walk instead for drive.

·         Ride sharing - this would affect car pooling. This might include newer services like Uber or Lyft.

·         Trip distribution exponent - this would affect where people would go to work or shop.

·         Cycling - I plan to use a reference to cycling elsewhere in the revised script, so I wouldn't want to use it here.

I'll need to work on these issues some more before I go ahead with my rewrite. I still might decide to do some more research.

You can watch the previous version of "The Barrier" here: http://dynamiclethargyfilms.ca/the-barrier/

This post is a mirror from my main blog http://www.dynamiclethargyfilms.ca/blog

"The Barrier" Script Rewrite 2015 February 21

I made progress on my rewrite of  "The Barrier", my transportation planning movie. The script is matched to the movie now. I started to work on the revisions to the script.

Conform Script to Current Movie

I conformed the script to match the caption file I created for the movie when I first released it. As I went through the script later, I caught several places where I'd missed some bits of dialogue.

Version 0.6 of the movie is still available on-line. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATcKnFAwlU0

Action Descriptions

When I created the script from the Xtranormal STATE files, I wasn't able to convert the actions and expressions. This left the script with just the scene headers, character names and dialogues.

I went through the script to add some action descriptions. I decided to keep the action descriptions to a minimum. Maybe I was too terse, but I wanted to move onto the next phase.

Character Descriptions

After I thought I was done with the action descriptions I came across an article about the Jane test (http://www.wired.com/2016/02/jane-test-movie-gender-roles/). It focussed on the sexist slant of the character descriptions  for female characters in the script. I had a look at my descriptions, and realized I didn't really have much to say at all. For example:

ARTHUR MACDONALD drives his car along a country road between a river and some hills.

LING PANG walks by.

ZELDA ZIMMERMAN and another woman sit at a table in front of the coffee shop.

I added some brief descriptions, which I don't think are sexist:

ARTHUR MACDONALD, a transportation engineer in his early 20s, drives his car along a country road between a river and some hills.

LING PANG, a transportation engineer in her mid 40s, walks by.

ZELDA ZIMMERMAN, a woman in her mid 20's, and another woman sit at a table in front of the coffee shop.

I was tempted to describe Zelda as "attractive", but decided it wasn't necessary.

These character descriptions are not really that critical to the script, since I had already chosen the characters from Xtranormal for the movie. I felt it would be a useful exercise for any scripts I write in the future, where I will need to include them.

Change Notes

As I went through the script to make the changes above, I inserted change notes where I came across something that I wanted to change. Most of these were cases where I felt that the dialogue didn't fit the character. For example, Ling says "oh my" to express her surprise and concern for Arthur when he tells her about his near accident. Not only do I feel that isn't what she'd say, but the character Meera says the same thing several times. I think it is appropriate for her.

When I first released the movie, several people sent me comments and suggestions. Since then I've written down several more ideas for changes. I went through the script a second time to insert notes where I wanted add those changes. Most of these changes were to clarify the story and dialogue where people were confused or put off.  There were a few places where I felt the scene was weak and could be improved.

Since I finished, I came across a few more ideas I'd forgotten about, and will need to add those as well.

When you make changes one place in a script, you often need to make changes elsewhere to keep the story consistent. I'll need to do at least one more pass through to fix those.

Rewriting the First Scene

I took my first stab at the rewrite with a go at Scene 8, where Arthur and Vincent Campbell first meet. My objective with the changes was to explain the hierarchy in the office, which some people found confusing.

I had Campbell play a mind game with Arthur, to force him to explain who he works for. Campbell, of course, already knows who's who and wants to put Arthur on the defensive right away. I think the result has some humour to it, and also reinforces Campbell's personality.

I thought I was done with the scene, but afterwards I started to think that I could delete or shorten some of the dialogue to tighten up the scene. For example I have a rather long introduction between two of the characters that is both dull and adds very little to the scene.

Ideas for Other Changes

I got an idea for a new scene where Arthur shoots a video of the dangerous curve in the road. I would need to change a couple other scenes to accommodate that. It would be a short scene, but would be as complicated to make as the new opening scene I added in version 0.6.

My other ideas involve improvements to the computer screens animations. I don't plan to add anything of substance, just improve how they look. Again, they might be quite complicated to create.

What to do After I have the New Script?

I haven't given too much thought to what my next step after I'm done with the script revisions. I could work on the extra animations I want to add, or I could get NawmalMAKE and start to create the new scenes. But, what troubles me is how I will handle the voices in the new version. NawmalMAKE has different voices from Xtranormal Desktop.

For the final version I want to hire vocal actors to do the voices. This could be expensive. I found commercial rates posted on-line that suggest it could cost me more than $2,000. I would prefer to use local actors. I haven't talked to any of the actors I know about what they would charge me. I made a vow that in the future I would always pay anyone who helped me with my movies. As an interim step I could use the new artificial voices that come with NawmalMAKE.

I've also thought I could use the voices from Acapela that I used the first time. From what I can see on their web site, I don't think I can download them and use them in NawmalMAKE, but I can use their Acapela Box website to create the audio. (https://acapela-box.com/AcaBox/index.php). This would cost me at least $920 for my whole movie. Possibly much more. I think it would be cheaper, about $600, to buy the voices to work with another program. If I did that, I could use the voices on other projects.

This post is a mirror from my main blog http://www.dynamiclethargyfilms.ca/blog

How to Deal With Jargon in "The Barrier"

One of the problems some viewers had with "The Barrier" was the amount of transportation planning jargon I used. I think I've come up with a way to deal with that. I also moved forward with my recreation of the script and creation of new subtitles.

How to Deal With Jargon in "The Barrier"

Some people commented that they didn't understand the jargon I used in the story. I don't want to completely replace the jargon because that would create long complicated descriptions all the time. I also want to avoid injecting "As you know Bob ..." dialogue to explain what the terms mean.

The approach I will try is to have the character Vincent Campbell play dumb. I don't want the character to be dumb. He just plays dumb as a tactic to manipulate people. He would deliberately misunderstand jargon, and force other characters to explain what they mean. There is already an example of this in the movie where Dennis needs to explain what a travel survey is. If I can make Campbell's misinterpretations humorous, that should keep the explanations from sounding too dry.

For example, when Arthur says he is concerned about the trip generation, Campbell's response would be, "Why would anyone care about drugged out old hippies?"

Recreated Script

I have all of the dialogue matched against the captions now. There were quite a few discrepancies I had to fix. Many of them were changes I made to improve pronunciation. There were only a couple of places where I had new dialogue to include.

I still need to add in some more action descriptions. I already did this for the first few scenes. I don't want to over do the action descriptions, because I don't need them for what I plan to do. I think they will help the voice actors understand the situation better.

The script is still in an Excel spreadsheet. For the rewrite this might be OK, but I think I need to convert it to a script format. I'm not so sure how to do that easily.

When I matched the dialogue, I noted some of the places where I want to make changes for the next version of the movie.

Revised Subtitles

When I made some changes to the movie back in 2014, I added some time at the start and so the old subtitles were out of sync. While I worked on the script recreation, I had to bring the old subtitles into the spreadsheet I used. This allowed me to adjust the times when the subtitles are displayed.

I had to work out what the adjustment should be. That took a couple of tries to get right. Although, there is a few places where I still think they might be off. Not by more than a half second though.

You can check out the new subtitles here: http://dynamiclethargyfilms.ca/filmlist/the-barrier/

This post is a mirror from my main blog http://www.dynamiclethargyfilms.ca/blog

Tell, Don’t Show?

“Show don’t tell” is one of the most common bits of advice I come across when I read about writing. I’ve always thought of it as good advice, although I do find it hard to do

Recently I started to wonder if it is the way to go in a film script. Could it be better to “tell, don’t show” in a script?

In the past, when I wrote the action descriptions I tried, not always successfully, to describe what the character does and not how he feels. That is: “show, don’t tell.”

For example, this is a bit of action from my detective script.

Robert eyes widen as he looks at the image on his video camera. He looks up at the image of John Smith on the TV. As he glances at the squalor he lives in, his face breaks out in a sly grin.

I have described what he does and leave it to the reader to interpret how the character feels and what he thinks. This is what I used to think of as the right way.

Robert is surprised as he recognizes that the man on his video recording is the same person as the John Smith on TV. He is happy as realizes that he can get rich from blackmail and escape the poverty he lives in.

This would be considered bad writing, well worse writing than what I originally wrote.

Who is the audience for a script? In my article How to Write a Feature Movie Script Part 1: What is a movie script anyway? I suggested that a script is the plan for the movie. The director and the actors will take it as a suggestion as they create the movie. You might say that a character smiles, but they may choose a different way to express the character’s emotions and thoughts.

The “show, don’t tell” style provides details that the director and actors don’t need and forces them to guess at what the character feels and thinks. The “tell, don’t show” style tells them what the character feels and thinks and allows the director and actors to choose how to “show” those emotions and thoughts in the movie.

Another audience for a script is the script readers who review scripts for producers. Since they can make the difference between a rejection and a sale, you want them to like your script. I suspect that they are more likely to be turned off by a “tell, don’t show” style of writing.

I guess the right answer would be “it depends.”

This post is a mirror from my main blog http://www.dynamiclethargyfilms.ca/blog

A movie about an honour killing

Recently there were several reports in the news about Honour killings, where a woman is killed by her family for dishonouring the family in some way. While thinking about the reports, I developed an outline for a movie, but I need to research the subject more before I can finish it.

I would like to hear from people who are familiar with cultures where honour killing happens to tell me if the plot of the story is plausible.

A young woman and her brother are very close to each other. Then he comes to her one day to say that he has been asked to kill her to satisfy the honour of the family. He doesn’t want to do it, but if she doesn’t, he must. She escapes to Canada, leaving a suicide note.

About 15 to 20 years later, she has a new identity and is a successful lawyer. One day she sees her brother and he seems to be following her. She is worried that he will now kill her, but hopes that he no longer bound by the obligation. She would like to be close to him again.

She finds out that her brother, his wife and her mother are living in Canada. She approaches first her mother, then her sister-in-law trying to find out what he knows and what he intends to do. They don’t recognize her at first; having believed that she was dead. They are not sure if he knows she is alive or has plans to kill her. Her brother keeps his feelings and thoughts to himself.

Finally he contacts her and asks for a meeting at a secluded spot and she agrees. He does not seem to recognize her and it turns out that he wants her help as a lawyer.

There will be other subplots in the final script.